i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize