You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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