I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i now understand why vodka
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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