i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My balls are so social today.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
