i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
