We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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