I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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