Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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