i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize