Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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