This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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