C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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