If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
