i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize