why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
