OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
