Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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