I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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