the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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