You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
