Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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