u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
