I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
