i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
