I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
