So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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