Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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