you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
