I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize