the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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