I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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