I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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