Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
