I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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