sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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