I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
