I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Your cock deserves a montage
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
