I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
