why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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