Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
