I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
