so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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