Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
