I'm so fucking centered right now
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
