she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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