Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
