hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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