The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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