I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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