Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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