maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Two words: blizzard sex
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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