Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
