Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
