just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
