Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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