before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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