Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
