Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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