Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
