Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
