If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
