Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
