bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
