there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
