she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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