I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize